It Ain't Easy

It ain't easy being my husband or kids. Sometimes I am the worst...I'll let you, the reader, fill in the blank. I get cranky. I get tired. I get irritated. When things are really bad, I'm all three at once. I say and do stupid things. I have definitely been known to let my pride and own wants ride rough-shod over simple acts of service and kindness. I don't intentionally lash out; instead I save my best passive aggressive actions for those moments when I want to express my displeasure. Sometimes I just really suck at being a good mom; a holy Christian woman.

Each family member handles my disappointing behavior in a different way. One patiently waits for me to recognize my stupidity and my apology. One quietly disengages and finds other people to hang with. And one family member grabs the bull by the horns and addresses the crap head on. The person calls me out. Every.Single.Time.

Last night was such a night. I was tired. I was cranky. I was irritated that something that could have been done earlier in the day was now being done at 8:30 at night and I was being asked to go. All I really wanted to do was get in my PJ's, decompress (do nothing) for the next hour and a half before I went to bed. Instead I got pleading and begging to go on the errand. I got "You really should go" about 10 different times. I felt guilted into going out and in true passive aggressive fashion I took it out on the one who I felt was doing the guilting.

The one family member that I can always count on to call my BS, did not disappoint. I got to think about my actions for the entirety of the errand. When I returned, I apologized. I recognized that my actions were indeed "dumb". I thanked the family member for calling me out.

This morning I told this family member that no one likes to be called out for their crappy behavior; nevertheless I truly appreciated the feedback. When that happens, I am forced to pause, take accounting of my words and actions and try to be a better person. I expressed my love for them and my gratitude to them for making me be a better person.

Now...if I could just do better so I don't have to be called out. Sounds so simple. It should be easy. Some days (if I'm honest, I think most days), it is easy and I am a kind, caring mom. But some days, it ain't and I'm not.